Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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