fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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