Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
