So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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