I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ttyl tear gas
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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