whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
