textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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