I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
