You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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