That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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