If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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