My sheets look like a crime scene.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
