I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
look no pants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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