Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
