I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
