Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
