Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
