wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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