how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
