OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
