Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
