Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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