If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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