I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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