I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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