he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
