the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So many bounce houses so little time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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