After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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