I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
