I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize