Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ttyl tear gas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
whose parrot is this?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
