dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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