Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
