I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
