I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
