I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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