I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
