I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
