The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
