i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
