Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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