that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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