Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
