three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
