just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
