There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
