I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
