I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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