At least make sure they are 18
Why
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Houston, we have a blender
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
