Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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