Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
