Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
