I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
