I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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