? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
