I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
