i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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