I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
