so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
