I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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