Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
