the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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