alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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