I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
