I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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