i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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