she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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