I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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