i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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