So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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