So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
