Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
