Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize