i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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