Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
