so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
