i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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