She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
