Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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