I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
