Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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