You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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