nut hugger
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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