Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
