im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
