I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.