Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
