so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day