'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it