great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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